On Christmas Eve I was walking through the snow. I had just left school and that whole day seemed slow. It was my last year of high school and I wanted to really have some fun. I couldn’t find any of my friends so I went to star bucks for some tea and a cinnamon. I was sitting in a chair and eating next to the fireplace. When suddenly I felt a woman’s hands cover my face. To my surprise it was my favorite art teacher. I hadn’t seen her at this particular star bucks since last Easter.
She asked what I was doing after because she wanted company at home. She wanted company because her husband was Santa Clause and she didn’t want to be alone. I smiled and agreed and I just felt honored. Because I had no idea that her husband was Santa, I though her name was Misses Conner. She explained the name situation on the drive back to her house. She said that she didn’t want anyone to know that Santa was her husband and that I should close my mouth.
I said ,Sure misses Clause, I, I, I mean Misses Conner. Your my favorite art teacher and you always smell like mari I mean Dolce and Gabbana. Besides I’m a big fan of Santa’s, I think he knows my mother Cindy. I’ve never met him personally but one time he came down the chimney. And after he and my mother talked after cookies and tea. I think they went in her room to put the presents under the tree. I wish I could have met him and I wish my mom had a camera. I never heard him speak but my mother started screaming SANTA SANTA SANTA. But I don’t want to talk about that Misses Conner, I don’t want to seem over excited. I’m just honored to meet Santas wife and that I’ve been invited. Your secret is safe with me I promise not to tell. After all you are my favorite teacher and well. I sort of have a crush on you and you look so young. Wow Santa is in his 60’s and his wife looks 25 umm.
I meant..I’m sorry Misses Conner I didn’t mean to say that. Didn’t mean to say that out loud, I take it back. But do you have any eggnog and spice cookies? I looooove spice cookies, she said “I can make you some if you’d like, but I’m a rookie”. I said, “No problem Misses Conner, I’ll eat whatever you make. As long as they are sweet and freshly baked like cake. She said wow you put a smile on my face. Lets hurry up and go inside, come on lets race”. I stepped out of the car and ran around to open up her door.
She said, “Thank you its slippery out here I didn’t want to fall on all fours. I replied, “No problem, hey Misses Conner where is Rudolf”? She said,” He’s with Santa tonight but come inside I’ll show you my new dog”. As soon as the door opened I was tackled by a Collie. She looked a little like lassy but her name was sally. And after the cookies were done baking, I poured eggnog in my cup. Misses Clause said here let me mix a little rum in it, it will give you luck. Ok Misses Clause I trust your taste. And like I mentioned in the car I’ll eat anything you make. Hey.. hey Misses Clause, what time is Santa coming home in a boyish tone. She said, “Santa will be back home next week his journey is real long”. I replied, Ok cool do you mind if I stay on the couch tonight? Because this eggnog and rum is making me feel a little light.
She said sure I’ll even turn on the fireplace for you. Would you like anymore eggnog, because I’m going to get myself a brew. Just a little more Misses Conner and more cookies please. These are the best cookies I’ve ever tasted in my life and could you bring the whipped cream please? Misses Conner said sure let me take a shower first and get comfortable. But before I do that I’ll turn on the fire for you.
That bubble bath was amazing now I’m so nice and comfy. Said Misses Conner, are you still thirsty? And are you hungry? I said, I sure am but can I drink something else? I was reading Back 2 The Fresh and I couldn’t help myself. When I saw this egg nog martini. Hold on wait a second Misses Clause, you look so dreamy. Just like one of these PrimeTime Dimes, but any way, that martini sure looks creamy. Yes it does and I think I’ll make the whole thing. Misses Clause replied as she began to sing. Who runs the world? GIRLS , Who runs the world? GIRLS
I was shocked because Misses Clause caught me off guard when she twirled. Wow I must say this is the best Christmas I’ve ever had. Meeting Misses Clause, I’ll never tell and I’ll never brag. Ever since a lad all I ever wanted was well. Never-mind forget it, maybe the eggnog martini will make me loosen up and tell.
She said well I guess I should make them in a hurry. Oh my Oh my look outside, look at all of the flurries. She said as she opened the curtains by the kitchen sink. I guess tomorrow I’ll just have to wear my mink. What do you think? Or should I just stay in all day? If you keep me company I have a couple of games we can play.
I’d be more than welcome misses Clause as long as we can sing Christmas Carols. And you make some more egg nog martini by the barrel. She rubbed my shoulders and said anything for you. This holiday season we should stick together like glue.
Misses Conner, I’m so honored that we are friends. You have to be the coolest person I know plus you drive a Benz. Can I drive it sometimes? I promise not to crash. Wow my eggnog’s almost gone I need another glass. Could you be a sweetheart and fill it up to the top? I’d appreciate it beautiful, and two ice cubes, that’s on the rocks.
What the hell, it’s the Holidays sure I can fill it up. I’ll make sure I pour as much in your glass like my cup. Say Mark, after this lets play a game. I have twister, monopoly, or we can play truth or dare and end the night with a bang.
Misses Conner how about twister and then truth or dare? Ho Ho Ho I’ll play Santa this year. You can sit on my lap and dare me to do. Or ask me a question and my answers will be true.
Ok I’ll be back with the eggnog martinis and the twister mat. Give me a few minutes and I’ll be back. Mark said, Ok beautiful hurry up so we can start. Misses Conner said, I haven’t played a game in a while so be easy on me Mark.
Sure thing Misses Conner, I’ll roll a dutch while I wait. I hope you don’t mind, it’s my favorite flavor, grape. Misses Conner sticks her head out of the kitchen and says, I don’t mind Mark that’s my favorite flavor. And there is a chrome lighter on top of the mantle shaped like a gator. So roll up and I’ll bring the drinks in babe. It’s a good thing you came over this Christmas, you saved me.
No problem Misses Conner, you know I just turned 18. And spending quality time with my favorite teacher is a dream. So let the games begin and let’s have fun. I’ll play this song by Justis, it says Weekends Were Made For Fun.
Oh I’ve heard of him before he’s good. Justis James, Justis James, Justis James if I could. But here, here’s your glass, all full as promised. Why don’t you get out of those jeans and into some pajamas. And I’ll sit on your lap and we can play truth or dare first. Mark looks at Misses Conner and says, you’re such a flirt. Misses Conner sits on Marks lap and says, Why whatever do you mean cutie? Look at the coffee pot calling the tea kettle black, your hands on my booty.
Well Misses Conner blame it all on the drinks. I’m not responsible for my actions I think. So truth or dare? What do you prefer first? That’s the way it goes right, is that how it works?
Misses Conner laughs and sings, weekends were made for fun. So TRUTH, ask me whatever you want to ask hun. Mark says ok, is it true you’re a freak, is it true huh Misses Conner? Lights the dutch and passes it and says, this will make you calmer. Misses Conner takes it and inhales slow. Blows the smoke in Marks face and says I’m a freak and now you know.
So what are you going to do about it and I dare you to do it. Mark says, first kiss right here and then there. OMG Misses Conner, you forgot your underwear. Misses Conner says, dare. Mark says, I dare you to turn around and straddle me in this chair. Misses Conner turns around and says, Sure you can drive the Benz. Straddles Mark in the chair and says, remember we’re just friends.
A cell phone starts to ring and Misses Conner hops up. Mark please hand me my purse on the side of your cup. Mark hands Misses Conner her purse. She pulls out a cell phone and answers it with a smirk.
Hello Misses Conner speaking, what can I do for you? Happy holidays, I hope yours are beautiful. Ho Ho Hoooo Merry Christmas. It’s Mister Clause and I’m still handling business. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll be headed to Australia as soon as I leave Japan. Ok well make sure you don’t forget my other gifts. I have the Victoria secret underwear you left and everything fits.
Mark coughs in the background. Mister Clause ask, “What was that”? Misses Conner said, “Oh that was sally, she saw a cat”. Mister Clause said, “Ok, I’ll talk to you later. But before I go could you do me a favor”? “Could you turn off the cam corder off I left by the tv”? “I wanted to record everything sally did and put it on cd.” Misses Conner replied, “You what? Camcorder? Everything on cd”? “Fuck it, I’m here with a student because I got lonely, see me”?
Mark jumped up and said, “Oooooh shit! I have to go, I have to go. This bitch is trippin’ out Santa will kill us both! Misses Conner hung the phone up on Santa and said, I’m leaving with you. I’ve been looking for another man because he and I have issues. He’s not faithful you and I both know that! Misses Conner hurls the car keys at Mark, Mark replies, “Don’t throw that!” You better grab that camera we’ll keep it with us. Or Santa will see the cops reaching for their cuffs. Where is he now? Misses Conner said, “He’s in Japan”. Now help me pack everything and come up with a plan. I have enough money for about 5 years. We can start our own business up, you can decide where.
Ok Misses Conner I’m calm now. Tonight you made me into a man, call me Duronn now.